I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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