No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
