you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
