wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
