last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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