I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
