bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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