I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The air was thick with penises
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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