How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
