You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
