Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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