how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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