Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
