did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
