Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
