are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize