she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
