guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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