This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
