this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
and she was petting her beer can
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
