Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
