I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I need to stop coming to work sober
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
