Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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