If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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