You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
