Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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