If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
