The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
