if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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