only if we run a train.
done.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
