I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
