Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
