Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
