there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
