They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
