**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
