Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
