East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
