I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
