So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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