Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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