Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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