Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize