did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There r osticjed everywhere
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
