chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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