I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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