maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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