It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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