did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
