I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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