Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
