so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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