Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
