So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
