His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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