from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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