I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
