I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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