I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
