I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize