my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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