We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
