Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize