I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
