you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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