Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
