I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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