this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i think im in europe. pls send help
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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