Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
